Five Year Cancer Free Eve!

Five Year Cancer Free Eve!!!

It's 11:03 pm..... May 21,2013. This time five years ago it was my mastectomy eve and I was very much awake , asking myself why? 

The word cancer echoed in my head since Feb 26, 2008 when my doctor told me I had ductal carcinoma . I was alone because he told my hubby to go back to Las Vegas because my lumpectomy looked fine. 

So at my weeks check up he sat me down to tell me the results of my biopsy.... 

"You were correct, he said". You have  ductal carcinoma . 

His mouth kept moving but I couldn't hear what he was saying. It was as if I were having an out of body experience .... Was I there or wasn't I there. I could hear distant muffled bits of voices , and I could see a big fat mouth moving and looking at me. 

What is he doing, what is he saying, what in the hell is going on... Why doesn't he shut up! 

Where am I ..... Am I dead?

Ringing in my ears.... Make it stop! I can't breathe! 

I have the good kind of cancer.... ? Are you freaking kidding me? 

All I could see or think about we're my kids faces. Michael's getting married.... I don't have time for this. I have to dance with my son at his wedding. He's fighting for full custody of Bella, I have to be here for that. I have to get her away from that place and those people. 

Chelsea's graduating from high school ... I have to see her go to her prom and to college and design school. I have to be there for when she gets married. 

Brenden is too young to leave he needs a mother and no one else could put up with him. I have to watch him go on to law school. 

I haven't lived my dream yet I've been too busy since the age of fifteen raising children and making sure they live theirs. 

I never got to publish my book or find out who I am.

God????? Haven't I been through enough hell in my life.... Why? 

They say .... You don't give us more than you think we can handle. You must really think I'm a strong person for someone who is only 4.11. 

Is this a test? Because I'm going to fail! 

This was just some of what went through my head as I heard the words ... You have cancer ....

Twelve different doctors before someone finally listened to me and agreed to do a biopsy. 

Then .... God sent me an angel, a tall handsome slender angel named Daniel. 

Dr. Ibach my oncologist, and I sit here today reminiscing about the last five years and what I have seen.

I saw my son get married to the most beautiful and patient person I know. I danced with my son at his wedding to the song... I Hope You Dance .... By Lee Ann Womack 

I love the words and the message. I know he hated it, after all what guy wants to slow dance with their mother for Pete's sake. But I loved it ... I talked to Satan during that song and told him to kiss it! 

I was there, I was dancing, the kids were laying on the floor watching us. I put off my mastectomy and treatments so that I could be at his wedding and have that dance. 

Beelzebub... You boar hog from hell! I plan on being around for awhile. Haven't you learned your lesson yet with me? 

I watched Mike and Erin win custody of his daughter... I have watched him constantly grow and climb the ladder of accomplishments with his talents and drive. I watch him show what a great husband , provider, and father he has become. 

I am beyond proud of him. 

I watched Chelsea graduate from high school , and go to her senior prom.  Moved her into her first dorm and packed up her room. I watched her graduate from college and move to Nashville. I toured O'more her dream design school with her and fell in love with it. 

I have watched Brenden go from being the neighborhood Denis the Menace to well....a talented athlete and concerning son  who towers over me. Now I have to look up at my baby. 

I went from Tennessee to Nevada and found out I have a creative bone. 

Two of my kids are talented artist .... But never thought about trying my hand at anything. Who would of thunk it? 

Arnie continues to be my rock through thick and thin constantly smoothing over all the issues we all have. He is the king of the castle and I don't know what I'd do without him. He keeps it all together and I'm glad that God made him so strong